Everyday the alarm on my cell phone goes off at 3 a.m., playing the same few bars of a bouncy electronic piano melody over and over. I reach over and turn it off, and then I close my eyes and say a prayer for her.
I look through the open blinds into the darkness, and sometimes sadness and dread bloat my empty stomach. I wonder if I will ever experience a passionate romance. I
wonder if I have waited far too late to get my act together, to make more money, to live my dreams, to become a “catch” for someone smart, funny, and accomplished.
On April 14, 2012, I met her. She was my wake-call: young, seductive, smart, funny, and, I later learned, suffering from a very serious illness.
Right away I wanted to be there for her, to be someone who could make her smile, someone she could depend on. I wanted to know her. I had a feeling that we were meant to know each other. But I didn’t get the chance to know her. She chose to leave my life as suddenly as she’d entered it. And you know what? I wasn’t ready anyway, not even to be an excellent shoulder to lean on.
So maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Maybe I’ll see her again. Maybe I’ll get a chance to know her, my unwitting muse. She was the blessing that made me wake up and start working toward the life I’ve always dreamed of.
The thought of her sent possibilities flooding into my mind, the possibility of love, the possibility of a family, the possibility of abundance. Fantasies of dream vacations, a comfortable home, and visions of waking up next to someone I love danced in my head.
That’s when the proverbial alarm when off, and my fantasies wound up in a gazillion pieces on the floor, because I realized that I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for a relationship or my dream. I realized that I needed to change to get the things I’ve always dreamed of.
I realized I needed to change if I want to get more money, more security, more passion, more joy. Even more important, I realized that I need to change some limiting beliefs and habits so that I can become the person I was born to be.
I realized that I want to start to live my dreams first and then bring someone into my happiness. I do not want to pull someone into the dreary existence of a sleepwalker.
So I started going to counseling, and hitting the gym religiously. I started reading and listening to every positive book and podcast I could find. I started dreaming again, and I started believing that the dream can come true.
For now I work for a huge insurance company setting up claims. It pays the bills, but it is not what I’m on earth to do. My mission is to bring beauty into the world with my art.
My dream is to earn a living writing music and writing prose.
I’ve composed music in my head since I was about six. I started writing little songs and accompanying myself on piano in junior high. Several decades have passed since then. Now I compose instrumentals that can best be described as relaxing. I want to become a professional composer.
My encounter with my unwitting muse also helped me realize that I want to inspire people. That’s why I decided to start this blog and the accompanying podcast. I want to inspire you (and me) with the stories of people who’ve found a way to live their dreams and with the advice of people who have insights about how we can live the lives we want.
Visit on: https://erictric.com
That’s my dream. What’s yours? I really want to know.